Perceptions of Music.

• Mom: Ugh! That screaming coming from your room is gonna kill me.
• Me: It's music.
• Mom: NO! It's not. It's just people screaming.
• Me: .... -.-

Life strikes back in weird ways. Preparing to head out for the weekend, on a camping trip. I took this time to myself with some family to clear my head.

Sometimes you lose yourself because you thought one thing, and it turned out to be another completely different thing that was lurking underneath it all to come get you, drag you down and let people listen to the screams you produce while realizing all that you’ve done wrong.

My head aches and my body quivers under the pressure.

I seem to think that it could all be fixed with another dose. This drug I seem to be constantly searching for, injecting and progressing. Digesting. The names that drip from my lips. The words I wish were never true. 

Daddy.

Sister.

Lover.

Friend.

Close one.

Just… sitting in the pathetic puddle that pools underneath me. Filled with lies drenched in my tears. My lies. Your lies. The events that lead me to such living. The life I lead is for more. And this part of it seems to be filled with too much realization and absolute raw skin and bone exposed to the rays of the harshest sunlight. 

And It seems, again, I am drenching everything in constant deep metaphor. What if my writing is just a joke? The way I’ve lived my life? Drenching everything in the hope that I will give things more meaning. Hoping to be good enough. Special. Different. Loved. What is it exactly that I am trying to reach?

Ugh, these drugs kill. And all I want is more. Dont take away my high.

Because you can’t just throw me away.

I’ll come back to haunt you and You know you’ll never escape. 

You’re fucked if you get to know me.